Ok, so catching a cat in a basket to take to the vet is hard work. So has anyone ever tried to worm/drug a cat before? Here is a very helpful procedure from '211 Things A Clever Girl Can Do' by Bunty Cutler.
Warning: This was from a book, not necessarily be true. PLEASE DO NOT TRY AT HOME...
Warning: This was from a book, not necessarily be true. PLEASE DO NOT TRY AT HOME...
HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL IN THE REAL WORLD
1. Cradle the cat in the crook of your left arm, place your right forefinger and thumb either side of cat's mouth, and gently squeeze its cheeks. Pop the pill into its mouth and let it swallow.
2. Retrieve the pill from under the TV and the cat from behind the sofa. Repeat step 1.3. Recover the cat from bedroom and discard sodden pill. Pop out a new pill from the fancy foil dispenser. Cradle the cat in your left arm, holding its rear paws tightly with your left hand. Force the jaws open and push the pill to the back of the throat with your right forefinger. Hold its mouth shut for a count of ten. Bathe bites with soothing unguent, then rescue the pill from under the bookshelf and the cat from the top of your dresser. Call a friend. Kneel on the floor, with the cat tightly between your knees. Grip its front and rear paws, ignoring the primeval growling from the cat. Get your friend to grip the head firmly with one hand and force a ruler into the cat's mouth. Roll the pin down the ruler into the mouth and massage the cat's throat.
5. Tear the cat from your expensive curtains, get another pill, and sweep the shattered remains of your family heirlooms into the wastepaper basket. Run your scratched arms under a cold tap.
6. Wrap the cat in a large bath towel, with the head just visible. Ask someone else to lie on the cat and put the pill into the end of a drinking straw. Force the cat's mouth open with a pencil and blow the pill down the cat's throat.
7. Check the label to see if it's (pill) harmful to humans. Gargle with Scotch/Coke to take away the taste, while sponging the worst of the blood from the carpet.
8. Drag the cat from behind the washing machine and put it in the cupboard, closing the door on the cat's neck, but leave the head showing. Force the mouth open with a large spoon. Flick the pill down the throat with a rubber band.
9. Apply an ice pack to the welt on your cheek, and find the pill (again).
10. Call the fire department to get the cat down from the top of the poplar tree.
11. Tie the cat's front and rear paws with twine, like suckling pig. Bind them to a table leg. Don heavy-duty pruning gloves and a motorcycle helmet. Push the pill into the cat's mouth followed by a large piece of steak. Holding the cat's head vertically, pour two pints of water into its throat to wash down.
12. Open a bottle of industrial strength vodka. Bathe your wounds with half and drink the rest. (You may also wanna drink coke, if you are a kid, duh!)
To give a dog a pill, wrap it in bacon.
5. Tear the cat from your expensive curtains, get another pill, and sweep the shattered remains of your family heirlooms into the wastepaper basket. Run your scratched arms under a cold tap.
6. Wrap the cat in a large bath towel, with the head just visible. Ask someone else to lie on the cat and put the pill into the end of a drinking straw. Force the cat's mouth open with a pencil and blow the pill down the cat's throat.
7. Check the label to see if it's (pill) harmful to humans. Gargle with Scotch/Coke to take away the taste, while sponging the worst of the blood from the carpet.
8. Drag the cat from behind the washing machine and put it in the cupboard, closing the door on the cat's neck, but leave the head showing. Force the mouth open with a large spoon. Flick the pill down the throat with a rubber band.
9. Apply an ice pack to the welt on your cheek, and find the pill (again).
10. Call the fire department to get the cat down from the top of the poplar tree.
11. Tie the cat's front and rear paws with twine, like suckling pig. Bind them to a table leg. Don heavy-duty pruning gloves and a motorcycle helmet. Push the pill into the cat's mouth followed by a large piece of steak. Holding the cat's head vertically, pour two pints of water into its throat to wash down.
12. Open a bottle of industrial strength vodka. Bathe your wounds with half and drink the rest. (You may also wanna drink coke, if you are a kid, duh!)
To give a dog a pill, wrap it in bacon.
1 comment:
so funny!
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